An old friend invited me to be her facebook friend and we struck up a quick conversation via facebook. She asked me if I ever miss the old "soccer mom" days. Yes, was my quick reply but with it came a whirl of whys and memories.
The dreaded 8 AM game that entailed getting up on a Saturday morning at least by 5 to pack the car, dress all the kiddos and be sure we had snacks and the other barrage of items necessary for the day ahead. All six of us pile into the minivan along with way too much gear. Since my hubby helped to coach we had to be there at least an hour early and most often there would be a total of four games between the two boys. Cold toes, crying children, grumpy husband, lost socks, smelly gear...why wouldn't I miss it?
Somewhere between falling in love, cradling a newborn and packing for college, we seem to lose who we are. Who we are isn't priority when someone has a fever, lost their homework, or has a project due in the morning. What we want isn't uppermost when the children outgrow shoes at the speed of lighting or braces and glasses are overdue. Sleep and self nurturing aren't the soup du jour when you are a stay-at-home mom.
Looking back now...how I wish it were different. How I wish I would have allowed myself to be a priority, to give to my children the "permission" to be important. I learned from watching that motherhood meant selflessness. How very wrong those lessons were. If we never fill ourselves we end up with nothing to give. It might not show for years to come but it will. I long to be able to go back and give myself time alone, to teach my children that I was important and in so doing to give them the invaluable lesson that we CAN love ourselves. Instead I am left trying to find a way to do it now.
When I look back I loved it all...even the 8 AM games. The confusion, the energy, the family connection.
What have I learned?...that is a question for another day. ~Laurie
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